Holding All of It

[Damp, Caped Kid; Honk! Parade, October, 2016]

I’m holding a place for transformation. I’m holding a space for Love.

And, apparently, when it comes to the vulnerable, the preyed upon, I’m holding my breath.

This morning, much to my surprise, I realized I’d been holding on to unacknowledged fears—and horror—around the grisly murder of a young woman. (Trigger warning.)

How I came to realize these unnamed, unrecognized feelings isn’t important. This is:

Most men I know, even the most peaceful, loving and compassionate, would find my stirred-up feelings puzzling. They’d point out how rarely something as horrible as Vanessa Marcotte’s murder ever happens—while acknowledging that, yes, other women, alone and vulnerable, are accosted, too. Murdered.(They’re nice guys, remember? Decent.) But then they’d remind me how the media feeds on fear; how I was manipulated by the mainstream press with yet another story of a young and pretty white victim— what about murdered young women of color, transgender women? They’d remind me that the opposite of Love is Fear. Why was I giving in to my fears?

All that is true. But, after acknowledging their right-thinking, here’s what I’d tell them: “Dear ones, here’s what I need for you to understand. I believe that I relate to this horrible story differently from you. I believe I understand vulnerability and being preyed upon differently from you. I am claiming my authority. As a woman.”

Join the Conversation


  1. Dear Patricia,

    Well, hi, there, Patricia, my so, so very For Always awesomely precious and dearly special soul sisterfriend Christian Quaker woman who you’re For Always so, so very much!!!!! Wow, what a very engaging, right on, on point, and very vitally urgent and important blog post article which you have very masterfully composed in the written word with such sharp descriptive clarity here on a theme and with a topic which is very dire and pressing for certain! Wow, this is such a deeply profound and great article here. Sister, I sent my reply to your beautiful, absolutely beautiful, pretty, and lovely Easter e-card for me thanking you so, so much by sending to you my reply via the-e-card which you should have received on Easter Sunday. Wow, I so, so very much love, enjoy, and appreciate my so, so very dearest and precious Easter card from very especially YOU, Patricia! I pray, hope, and wish that all of you and yours had an absolutely fabulous Easter, sister! I had a great Easter as well, sisterfriend! Sister, I, too, am holding a place for transformation, and holding a space for Love, Patricia. I am also holding my breath in sheer fear being petrified for the vulnerable, for the preyed upon, my so, so very dearest and darling friend. Sister, I can just envision in my very mind’s eye and when I pray and meditate how you have been holding on to with your place for transformation and holding a space for Love holding on to unacknowledged fears-and horror-over the brutal murder of our so, so very dearest Vanessa Marcotte!!!! Wow, I am experiencing the very same fears over the heinous brutality against this so, so very dear young woman, and my very heart and spirit ache for her dearest loved ones, her friends, and for her family!!!!! How horrible, sister!!!!! I thank-YOU so, so much, Patricia, for this marvelous link to this very poignant article about the atrocity against our Vanessa Marcotte because I want so and yearn so longing for being made aware of what’s happening with these stories with these vile outrages against women and girls as once again we have vivid proof that there is very much indeed in fact a “war against women and girls.” There is definitely actual proof that there is something to and validity to the syndrome named Missing White Women’s Syndrome. It is not just a meaningless name given for this syndrome because it it very sadly true that there are very, very many white women and white girls who are very egregiously and unfairly oppressed by evil, perniciously pervasive sexism and misogyny, and there are in fact very, very many so, so very dearly awesome and awesomely precious and special white women and white girls who are missing and like how we find out later have been in grave danger and severely abused. This is not simply the name of a syndrome but it is in fact the very reality that there are very, very many so, so very super white women and white girls who turn up missing, and there are definitely very, very many white women and white girls who are severely abused by heinous sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual terrorism, and discrimination and oppression in a whole host of ways. All of us as women and girls across all backgrounds, races, ethnicities, sexual orientations, classes and socioeconomic statuses, ability statuses, those with physical and other disabilities like with having mental health concerns, invisible disabilities, and those who are developmentally disabled, our sisters of a variety of religious backgrounds with such religious diversity, sisters from various geographic locations and other locales, sisters of different nationalities, and in our great global sisterhood with all of us of all backgrounds in general very often bear the brutal brunt of sexism and misogyny, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual terrorism, discrimination and oppression, sister in our very common denominator as women and girls in our vastly diverse and very unity of the spirit global sisterhood, Patricia. It is very vitally urgent, important, and necessary that the plight of women and girls of color to be more told, recognized, acknowledged, and validated as well, and that there are very many women and girls of color who are missing and endangered also! The very harsh realities of transgender women of color, and in fact for all transgender women must be brought to light. Even considering the very true reality that the conditions of women and girls of color need to be more considered than the coverage for these awesome women and girls of color have been receiving, it must not be forgotten that absolutely fantastic white women and white girls have their very cross to bear, too, and despite having white privilege it is only in part because the so, so very dearest and darling white women and white girls are also very severely oppressed via very atrocious sexism and misogyny, and the so, so very right on, wondrously wonderful white women and white girls face, endure, and experience oppression and discrimination also. It is very egregious and unfair when absolutely fantastic white women and white girls are generalized and stereotyped as having it so easy with no problems and no suffering in your very lives because you all as such so, so very dearest and darling white women and white girls have your very cross to bear as well, and very, very many of you do suffer and each of you as such marvelous people are oppressed and discriminated against, too. Sister, I know what you mean in saying that Love is opposite of Fear. I think that it is all too easy for many men to say and think that we as women and girls are overreacting and too worried about the very real possibilities of harm coming to women and girls in which that actual fear of harm to women and girls has very often become the reality. It is just too easy for many men to be puzzled because they have male privilege and they are not women and girls and do not have that lived experience of being women and girls facing, enduring, and experiencing horrible sexism and misogyny, along with the other abuse women and girls very, very often deal with like with sexual abuse, sexual harassment, and sexual terrorism even knowing that men and boys often deal with physical and sexual abuse as well but for women and girls they as women and girls are even more targeted as the women and girls who we are for certain very much indeed. Certainly, I’m not minimizing what so very dear men and boys face, endure, and experience because I love them as my brothers and as our Spirit’s children and know so well that very often men and boys face physical and sexual abuse. It is just a very different scenario when it comes to the greater perniciousness and pervasiveness of all of the abuse against women and girls. Sister, I so, so very much love, enjoy, and appreciate how you’re claiming your authority as a woman, and I do the very same as well, Patricia! You’re so, so very right on and on point Patricia! We as women and girls do experience being vulnerable and preyed upon differently than do men and boys. And it is just so, so very true that as you experience the story of our so, so very dear late Vanessa Marcotte as you are a woman that very, very many other women like me as your sisterfriend experience our response to what happened to this so, so very precious young woman differently than a lot of men and boys would. Our very fears are definitely not exaggerated and there is great cause for concern here because these are the very realities for very, very many women and girls that these happenings do very much indeed in fact happen for very, very many women and girls not only from strangers but also with domestic violence as well. Sister, I thank-YOU for this great gift and blessing of your very in-depth and heartfelt, profoundly deep blog post article here. It has helped me to process even more and to heal more from all of the abuse which I have faced, endured, and experienced earlier in my life like with physical and sexual abuse. Sisterfriend, you are just so, so very good for me in general anyway, and you help me so my absolutely splendid soul sisterfriend Christian Quaker woman with my very walk with Jesus!!!!! I thank Spirit continually for YOU, Patricia, and for your very presence in my life!!!!! YAY for YOU, Patricia!!!! YAY for our very friendship and sisterhood, Patricia!!!!! YAY!!!!! Wow, I feel even better and brighter with even more great cheer after very joyfully reading your very brilliant blog post and very joyously responding with my very heartfelt, detailed, and thorough thoughts, ideas, and comments. The title of your awesome blog post article is perfect here, absolutely perfect, with this very great picture which you have very graciously and generously included and featured with your very fine and excellent blog post article. I thank-YOU so, so much as you have as usual as always featured and included this great link with your awesome article here about the terrible fate of our Vanessa Marcotte. It is very important and needed that the stories of so, so very dear women such as our Vanessa Marcotte be shared and told. Patricia, please have such a superbly super Saturday, and a wondrously wonderful weekend, and may all of your very days be so, so very especially blessed!!!!! Spirit so, so very much loves and cherishes YOU, sisterfriend, and so do I!!!!!! Yay yay yay yay!!!!!

    Very Warmly and Sincerely For Always, my so, so very For Always so, so very right on, wondrously wonderful soul sisterfriend Christian Quaker white woman who you’re For Always so, so very much, Patricia, with My and God’s Peace and Love For You For Always, friend of mine, and with Such Blessings and Such Very Even More Blessings For You For Always, sister of mine,

    Yours For Always soul sisterfriend Christian black woman and For Always in the very great spirit of unity and solidarity, Sherry Gordon in Iowa City, Iowa

  2. Sister, oops I meant to also say Happy Earth Day, my absolutely very diligent and conscientious ally, activist, advocate, educator,and writer sisterfriend Patricia!!! :)!!!!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.